Where's Mycroft?
by Tal Leonard
Summary: Arguments, bickering, and the moment Sherlock found out about Mycroft's coma.


MH. Detective Inspector I need to discuss something with you. A car will be around shortly.

GL. Mycroft I'm busy and do you always have to be so formal? I've known you for nearly ten years and

you still call me by my job title.

MH. Apologies it's a habit of my upbringing. Sergeant Donovan will handle your work while you're out.

GL. I like doing my own work.

GL. What do we have to talk about anyway? Sherlock hasn't done any cases and I haven't got any

distressed messages from John.

MH. We'll discuss the matter when you get here. Now put down the coffee and go outside.

GL. HOLMES!

MH. See you soon Detective Inspector.

SH. What have you done with Lestrade?

MH. Goodevening Brother.

SH. Where's Lestrade?

MH. I assume he's at home but I could look into it if you'd like.

SH. Quit the act Mycroft. I know you had him picked up this morning.

MH.I never said I didn't.

SH. Where is he?

MH. Having a problem dear brother?

SH. Yes. My fat butt big brother kidnapped my handler.

MH. I hardly think that name calling is warranted. I did have a talk with the Detective Inspector this

morning but he was returned to the Yard.

SH. Then he would be answering my text.

MH. Again, would you like assistance in locating him?

SH. I don't need your help and please lose my number.

MH. I'm sure you don't and I would never baby brother.

SH. I am only responding to say I resent being called a baby.

MH. Eldest's privilege my darling boy.

SH. Darling? What country did you take over and will you be relocating?

MH. There's no need for alarm brother mine I would never leave you.

SH. Perfect.

MH. Glad you think so. By the way I will be stopping by later this week.

SH. I won't be here.

MH. I didn't say what day.

SH. I have plans. Unavoidable you'll have to reschedule.

MH. Goodevening Sherlock.

SH. Where's Lestrade?

SD. Who's asking?

SH. Sherlock.

SD. Freak? How did you get my new number?

SH. Not important. Where's Lestrade?

SD. With the brass. Getting ringed about an upset suit.

SH. Inform him I need a word when he emerges.

SD. No.

SH. No?

SD. Donovan?

SH. Sergeant?

SH. Two words. Daddy issues.

SD. F. U.

SH. I'd say that's no language for a lady but it's coming from you so. . .

SD. x[

SH. Hello.

SD. Don't you mean goodbye?

SH. What do you know she can think.

SH. Lestrade whenever you're free I need a word.

GL. I've already had a long day is this important?

SH. I found something you need to see. Meet me at Angelo's.

SH. Donovan is not invited.

GL. What did you do to Donovan?

SH. I inquired after your whereabouts and she returned with foul language. I inferred something.

GL. Inferred what?

SH. She's a slut.

GL. When did you get her number?

SH. When I needed it.

GL. Child.

SH. Grown ups are boring.

JW. Where are you?

SH. Case. I may have stumbled onto a human trafficking ring.

JW. Do you need help?

SH. I've enlisted Lestrade for tonight. Besides you have a date and I don't want to get slapped again.

JW. Again sorry. I didn't know Angelica would blow up like that.

SH. You have attracted some rather violent tempered sort lately.

JW. No comment there. Tell Lestrade I said hello and don't get into too much trouble.

JW. Without me.

SH. Sure.

GL. Hello John. Good luck with your date and I'll keep an eye on him.

JW. Thanks. Good luck with him.

MH. Sherlock Emile you demon!

SH. I was not born in Hell. It was Lucian Hospital.

MH. Close enough with that staff.

SH. On that we agree. Why are you bothering me?

MH. You arrested a favorite public philanthropist.

SH. He was using his orphanage to sell child sex slaves and Lestrade arrested him.

MH. I'm aware. I do not abject to the arrest merely the method.

SH. You mean breaking into a private fundraiser event at the renowned Maple Plaza disabling four

guards and announcing publically to a room full of important beaoucrats that the man of the year is

the leader of a human trafficking ring selling British children overseas.

MH. I've told you before public arrest injurers more than those arrested. Like those running quiet

investigations into his organizations which thanks to you are now very aware of being watched.

SH. They should have operated assuming they were watched.

MH. I'm not starting that argument just don't cause any more trouble this week.

SH. I don't take orders from you.

MH. Sleep well.

SH. You'd better not have cameras in here again.

SH. Mycroft.

SH. Mycroft pick up the phone.

SH. ANSWER ME!

SH. What could be so important that you'd ignore your only family?

JW. Will you please answer he's driving me crazy.

JW. Second thought come over here and shut him up.

JW. Get over here before I snap.

GL. I don't know what's going on but John just called me saying Sherlock is making something that's

smoking in the kitchen. Would you please reign in the kid. I can't leave work today.

JW. I'm going to Julia's. You're baby brother is lying on the floor of the living room.

SH. I just woke up from one of John's punches. Whatever I did to upset you I think I've paid

enough.

SH. MYCROFT!

SH. Brother?

SH. John.

SH. John come home.

SH. Three Continents Watson.

JW. OI! Watch what you're texting. I'm at my girlfriend's in case you forgot.

SH. Then next time respond the first time or I might accidently text her phone.

JW. How do you know her phone number?

SH. It's necessary information.

JW. 1-That's creepy

2-I'm telling Lestrade.

3-Why are you texting me at 5am.

SH. 1-That last punctuation should have been a '?'.

2-What do you expect Lestrade to do? He can't even stop me from texting the journalists during his

press conferences and besides he's busy with a drug smuggling case.

3-I'm texting because Mycroft still has not responded by text or call and neither has Anthea.

JW. Could he be working? A conference or something?

SH. He would have sent a text or at least told Anthea to.

JW. I'm coming home. What do you want to do?

SH. Take a cab to the office and then the Estate.

JW. Should I call Lestrade?

SH. No.

SH.I told you he was busy.

CALL JW to GL

GL-Hello?

JW-Hey it's John.

GL-What happened?

JW-Mycroft's still not answering.

GL-What's Sherlock thinking?

JW-He wants to check it out. Office and house.

GL-Need a hand?

JW-Don't you have a case?

GL-It's all paperwork now.

JW-Ok but don't tell Sherlock I called.

GL-No problem. Just say I'm checking about yesterday. See you in ten.

SH. I said don't tell Lestrade.

JW. I didn't.

SH. He's knocking at the door.

JW. So answer it and see what he wants.

SH. No.

GL. John is he still home?

JW. Yes, he's just being childish. Be there in a minute.

JW. Get off your ass and open the door.

JW. NOW!

SH. All caps? Really John?

JW.I forgot my key.

SH. No.

JW. No what?

SH. You didn't forget it.

JW. What?

SH. It's in my hand.

JW. How?

SH. I wasn't completely unconscious before you left.

JW. Please open the door.

SH. Fine.

SH.I told you not to tell Lestrade.

JW. Didn't we have this conversation?

SH. Yes and you lied.

JW. Sorry.

SH. Apology not accepted.

SH. I resent that John.

SH. Lestrade I can't be a girl. John sleeps with every pretty girl he sees.

GL. Are you saying you look like a pretty girl?

SH. I take after Mummy and isn't it illegal to text and drive Detective Inspector?

GL. What are you going to do? Tell Donovan?

SH. Touche.

JW. Sherlock I'm talking to you.

JW. Lestrade I expect this from Sherlock but you?

GL. Having a conversation wait your turn.

JW. Lestrade look.

GL. Sherlock I saw the text.

GL. Cool it sunshine.

SH. Sunshine? Showing your age Lestrade.

GL. I think the gray hair already gave that away.

SH. True.

SH. Look left.

GL. JOHN WATSON?!

JW. What?

GL. She is too young for you.

JW. I can do math. Even if she's ten years younger I'm still in the clear.

SH. See it now?

GL. Army Doctor. Got it.

JW. Why are you laughing?

JW. Lestrade?

JW. Sherlock What did I miss?

SH. Everything.

JW. Lestrade?

GL. PED and I don't mean pedestrian.

SH. Close enough.

JW. I'm not talking to either of you.

GL. That's why we're texting.

JW. #*#( *%# &($*# ((#* ($

GL. HAMISH!

SH.I knew it.

JW. What?

SH. Did I say that out loud?

GL. Yes you did.

JW. What did you know?

SH. Your middle name started with an H.

JW. YOU DELETED MY NAME?! :(

SH. 1-Unneccessary.

2-It's only a middle name.

3-I'd hardly be proud to keep that name.

JW. Says Emile.

SH. I never said I was proud of that.

GL. Emile?

SH. Later Philip.

GL. You know my middle name but not my first?

SH. Didn't know your first name past tense and I only remember the name because of King Philip.

GL. The French King?

SH. And King Richard's gay lover.

GL. Wow. Not a history lesson I needed.

SH. Nor I but as I suffer so now do you. Lion Heart think about it.

GL. Get out of the car.

SH. Turn around. Four Square Hospital.

JW. Lestrade asked why we're turning around.

SH. Anthea.

JW. What happened?

SH. Coma.

GL. Mycroft's in a coma?

SH. Anthea could hardly text in coma.

GL. We'll be there in twenty.


End file.
